Olsen Con 2015
by JudeDeluca
Summary: Jimmy Olsen meets Jimmy Olsen meets Jenny Olsen meets Vampire Jimmy meets Rob Liefeld Jimmy.


Disclaimer: Characters owned by DC Comics.

This was a writing commission for someone who wanted a funny story featuring either Jimmy Olsen or Guy Gardner.

The premise of this, spinning off the release of the Multiversity Guidebook, this is a story where Jimmys of alternate Earths converge.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late chief, but traffic was-WHAT THE?!"

Jimmy stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't be seeing what he was seeing. It looked like the Daily Planet Newsroom… but everyone was the wrong gender!

"Who the hell are you?" A female reflection of Perry White asked, standing by female versions of Clark Kent and Steve Lombard, and male versions of Lois Lane and Cat Grant. Ms. White took the cigar from her mouth and used it to point to Jimmy. "What are you doing in my newsroom? And why do you look like-"

"Jenny Olsen!" The female Clark said.

"Geez, sorry I'm late chief, but traffic was-WHAT THE?!"

Jimmy turned around to face a near exact duplicate of himself, only female. She looked just as perplexed as Jimmy assumed he must have looked.

"Olsen! You know who this guy is? And where's my coffee?!" Penny White demanded.

"R-right here, chief." The girl called Jenny handed her boss a cup of coffee from Sun Dollar, not keeping her eyes off her counterpart.

"Chief?!" Jimmy finally shook himself out of his shock. "Say, what's going-"

"Why Jimmy, what are you doing here? I told you I would meet you at the train station. You didn't have to come all the way here to see me." Jimmy's female counterpart gave him a hug, and then turned him around to face her co-workers and boss.

"I-"

"Chief, Mr. Lane, Ms. Kent, this is my cousin Jimmy. He came to Metropolis for the weekend to spend some time with me, but I was supposed to pick him up the train station after work. Poor guy must be disoriented after a long trip. Excuse us a minute." And she began to lead Jimmy down the hall away from prying eyes.

"Cousin? He looked just like her!" Stephanie Lombard crowed.

"In all my years of knowing Jenny Olsen, she's never mentioned an identical cousin." Jack Grant mused as Penny gulped down her coffee. Meanwhile, Louis Lane had something to ask his wife and compatriot.

"You think Superwoman should look into this, hon?" Louis whispered to Laurel.

"Definitely, I'll-wait." Laurel noticed something odd, well, odder, had just happened. As that short conversation was going on, Jimmy and Jenny hid in a dark supply closet.

"You're me from another Earth." Jenny said.

"It was that obvious?" Jimmy asked. Jenny sighed.

"Kid, in the past four years, I've been to the 31st Century, I've been Superwoman for a day, the world's fattest woman, a werewolf, a giant turtle woman, and I've been to three other different Earths. I've gotten a pretty good sense for strange stuff happening. Comes with being Superwoman's Gal Pal."

"I'll say. So, I guess this is the gender-reversed Earth." Jimmy acknowledged. "How'd you know my name is Jimmy?"

"The other counterparts I've met have been called Jim. Anyway, I think this Earths is called Earth-11. Now, what I wanna know is, what are YOU doing here?" Jenny inquired. Jimmy scratched his head.

"I don't know! I was just heading into work and the next thing I know I'm looking at lady versions of the Chief and Mr. Kent. And a strangely attractive guy version of Ms. Lane."

"Oh you see it too? Well, I'll activate my signal watch and see if Superwoman can help sort this out. In the meantime I gotta get you-"

"Oh, crap." They said at the same time, having just walked out of the broom closet and into… what appeared to have been the White House.

"And if you'll follow me, next we'll see-what the?"

Jimmy and Jenny turned to see a young man with dark skin, red hair, and freckles, leading a group of international delegates down to the Oval Office.

"Sir, miss, this is a restricted area," a member of the Secret Service standing next to this world's version of Jimmy, "Unless you're with the-"

"Jenny! What are you doing here?" The Jimmy of this Earth suddenly asked Jenny. "Steve, can you take over a minute, I have to take care of something."

"But Mr. Olsen this isn't-"

"I know but these are two very important aides to two important senators and the president's been planning on seeing them all day. Excuse me."

The Jimmy of this Earth took Jimmy and Jenny down the opposite hall and into a bathroom.

"Jimmy!" Jenny said.

"What?" The lighter skinned Jimmy asked.

"Not you I mean Jimmy!" She motioned to his darker counterpart.

"Jenny what are you doing back on Earth-23?" Jimmy, now dubbed Jimmy-23, asked Jenny and Jimmy-0.

"I don't know. All I know is that this guy suddenly showed up on my Earth, and now the two of us are here." Jenny mused.

"I have a headache." Jimmy-0 complained.

"Can you contact Superman?" Jenny asked Jimmy-23.

"I'll try but he has some meetings with the delegates of Rann. Hopefully we can catch him before-oh crap."

Jimmy-23 opened the door, and they suddenly found themselves looking down a dark, weirdly proportioned hallway.

"You guys are seeing this, right?" Jimmy-23 asked. Jimmy-0 and Jenny nodded in agreement, and all three realized this might be where their short quest was taking them.

"Okay you guys, keep your eyes open," Jenny said as they slowly walked down the hallway.

"Who designed this place, a 5 year ol-AAHH!"

Jimmy-0 was suddenly attacked by a snarling, red eyed Jimmy with fangs.

"Down, down boy!"

The vampire Jimmy was suddenly jerked back by a glowing collar around his neck. The two Jimmys and Jenny looked up to see a Jimmy in a sorcerer's cloak next to a fairly normal looking Jimmy and a soot-covered Jimmy wearing a stovepipe hat.

"Oy." The dirty Jimmy motioned to the three others.

"So I take you guys are Jimmy Olsen." Jenny said.

"Yeah, sorry about Snoopy over here," the normal looking Jimmy said. "He tried to kill us back in pirate Earth before Merlin here got that collar on him."

"James Olsen, Earth-13," sorcerer Jimmy introduced himself. "This is James of Earth-12, James of Earth-19, and this charming fellow is James of Earth-43. There are more of us down the hall. Would you care to join us?"

The group of seven Jimmys found themselves in a great hall littered with comic books, and more Jimmys.

"So, we're here, I guess." Jimmy-0 said. "The question is why?"

"**It was me! It was me all along!**" A voice shouted, and the Jimmys (and Jenny) turned to face a Jimmy Olsen made of multiple, disjointed arms, but also dressed in a way similar to the villain known as the Kryptonite Man. He had all these lines drawn over his face, and his torso was so muscular and bulky it was hard to tell if he wasn't suffering from some extreme form of cancer. Coupled with that was an angry expression on his face that, at the same time, looked as if he was severely constipated.

"Who, or what, the heck is that?!" Jimmy-0 screamed.

"Oh, him." Jenny scowled. "That's Jimmy Wednesday. I guess this means we're on Earth-35."

"Earth-35?"

"'An awesome pseudoverse or artificial universe constructed by Monitor ideominers operating from harvesting stations in Earth-35 concept space.' At least that's what it says in the guidebook." Jenny picked up a copy of the Multiversity Guidebook found on the floor. The floor was littered with comics from every Earth and every Universe, and some appeared to have 'Jimmy Wednesday' listed as a credit. This was just getting weirder.

"Pseudoverse? Ideominers? Those aren't real words." Jimmy-23 said.

"Sounds like some kind of 90s Buzzword Earth." Jimmy-0 observed.

"**I gathered you all here! Jimmy Wednesdays from other worlds, other universes! A testament to my great power! This will make Supremo quiver in fear once he realizes my awesome might! Then he'll finally regret shunting me to that insane asylum after I was physiomerged with the Supremite Man**!" Jimmy Wednesday, or Jimmy-35, ranted.

"Dude, you don't have to scream, we're all right here." Jimmy-12 said.

"And for the record, we're not Jimmy Wednesdays. We're Jimmy Olsens." Jimmy-23 said.

"**Screaming?! Who's screaming?! This is my natural speaking voice!**" Jimmy-35 said. Jimmy-0 felt his headache getting worse.

"Cor, this bloke don't look too friendly." Cockney Jimmy of Earth-19 stated the obvious.

"Jeepers. Can we go back to the Vampire Universe? His chest is making me physically ill." Jimmy of Earth-21 looked green.

"Your plan was to, what, get all your alternate Earth counterparts together?" Jimmy-0 asked.

"And that was going to make your Superman scared?" Jimmy-12 continued.

"How, um, that doesn't sound like a decent plan at all." Jenny concluded.

"**I have finally completed my army, and with all my perfect counterparts gathered together, I will wreak havoc on this pathetic city and make Supremo and the Super-Americans tremble at my feet!**"

"Those are feet?" Jimmy of Earth-42, the Li'l League Earth, asked.

"Aw dude, not another bad trip." The Jimmy of Earth-47 said.

"**You have to do what I say! I'm the one who brought you all here thanks to the power of Gray Supremite and my amazing brain! You don't have any choice! I'm clearly the most superior of you all! Look how muscular I am!**"

The rest of the Jimmys just stared at him… before-

"Or we could just use the machine over there that says "Multiverse Transport Cube" after we sic Vampire Jimmy on you." Jenny said, and Jimmy-13 let the leash go. He lunged at Jimmy-13, who was unable to use his many arms to get Jimmy-43 off.

"Don't kill him boy." Jimmy-13 growled. "And don't turn him into a vampire. That's the last thing we need right now."

"You're not the boss of me!" Jimmy-43 snarled.

"For the next few hours I am." Jimmy-13 held up the leash.

"So how many Jimmys do you think there are?" Jimmy-0 asked.

"I've counted about 89 so far." Jimmy-23 mused.

There was a robot Jimmy, a Jimmy in a Superman costume, a fat Jimmy, a samurai Jimmy, a redneck Jimmy, a male pregnant Jimmy, a rabbit Jimmy, a Jimmy in a hockey mask with a chainsaw, a hooker Jimmy, a zombie Jimmy, a sumo Jimmy, a cowboy Jimmy, a crab person Jimmy, a mutant cockroach Jimmy, and many others.

"Well I think Jimmy from Earth-2 has figured out how to work the device, but it's gonna take five hours to recharge." Jenny explained. "What should we do in the meantime?"

…

"Okay so I wanna welcome everyone to the very first Olsen Con '15." Jimmy-0 said. He sat at a podium along with Jenny, Jimmy-21, Jimmy-23, and Jimmy-12. Jimmy-35 was tied to the wall behind them, and in front of them the rest of the Jimmys sat in folding chairs. Jimmy-13 held onto the leash for Jimmy-43. "Now, let's get the Q&amp;A session going. Does anyone have an questions?"

One Jimmy, who appeared to be a ghost, went up to the microphone.

"I was just wondering how many of us have married Superman yet?" One Jimmy asked.

"…"

About five Jimmys raised their hands… and claws.

"Who do you think the dad is?" Pregnant Jimmy quipped.

"Next question. Yes you, with the second head that is Lex Luthor?"


End file.
